


sour patch kids

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers to Enemies to Potential Lovers, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Rated teen for language, Slow Burn, ish, lapslock, read the notes for clairification
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 14:56:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14059413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: yukhei would always gallantly promise that if anything ever went wrong, he would take full responsibility.





	sour patch kids

**Author's Note:**

> i .... hate non-au fics but this idea was bugging me for the longest time
> 
> the timeline is really confusing i know!! i wasn't sure how else to write them tho im rly rly sorry
> 
> ♡ = jumping from memories to the current timeline  
> ◇ = break in story/short time jump
> 
> listen to patrick watson while reading for the full angst effect

something donghyuck carried with pride was his bubbly personality, ability to make any environment more positive. so when doyoung calls him _bitter,_ he holds his ground even stronger than before.

 

“donghyuck, don’t be _bitter_ about this. everyone’s already waiting for you and it’s not like he doesn’t know you’re coming. up we go.”

 

despite the borderline begging, donghyuck continues to be stubborn (not bitter) and sink lower into the couch—the comfy, blanket-covered couch that was supposed to be where the rest of his stress free evening was to take place. he had conveniently forgotten about his schedule, but after doyoung was sent to go fetch him because one of the managers had noticed he wasn't there, a small change of plans was in order. after some pushing and shoving, the elder finally drags the youngest into the kitchen, panting like he ran a marathon.

 

the dramatics attract attention and it makes donghyuck’s skin crawl. of course _normally_ he would love to be in such a position, but this time the spotlight is accompanied with a certain someone’s gaze digging into him. it's painful, really. maybe he ought to play along with doyoung to distract himself, but it's too late for that. the vlive starts almost immediately and they're supposed to be funny and entertaining. not mopey teenagers who were forced to be in the same room as their asshole ex boyfriend. he tries his best to stay present, but he wouldn't be surprised if the fans notice that he's off today.

 

the concept of the vlive was simple—they were to cook something together and talk to the camera. a couple of the members had technically not debuted, so this was another one of sm’s ways to ease them in for the fanbase. donghyuck thinks it's stupid, because everything to do with a certain undebuted member is stupid. it was stupid that he had been chosen to do this broadcast and it was stupid that he had to associate himself with that certain brunette boy.

 

regardless of the animosity he felt, it was mostly odd being around him again. odd in the way that he still tried to get close. odd in the way that he stayed quiet around donghyuck as to not cross any boundaries. odd in the way that donghyuck could feel that heavy stare over and over and over again through the night.

 

at one point, they're stood side to side, and donghyuck can hear johnny giggling like a fool somewhere in the background. he doesn't know how anything about them is funny. he’s sure that if doyoung knew about the drama, then so did johnny and the rest of the 127 members. maybe his hyung was a sadist. donghyuck keeps his eyes trained downwards and he knows he's being obvious, but a public vlive is not the right time to suddenly act like everything is okay between them.

 

preferably never is the right time.

 

out of the corner of his eye he can see mark and yukhei doing some handshake and he realizes maybe he is bitter. he gets lost in cooking and lets his thoughts break from reality and travel back to before any of this happened, somewhere around last summer. 'we young' promotions.

 

♡

 

“y’know what? fuck you, jeno. fuck you, donghyuck, chenle, jisung, and especially you, lee _minhyung._ i cannot deal with this,” renjun exploded before storming out of the dorm and down the hall.

 

the rest of the group sat in silence amongst each other for a brief moment before the arguing started up again. they were scattered around the small living room, everyone talking over each other, no semblance of sanity left in the conversation. strong emotions bubbled over and burn everything in their wake—the members left one by one, and donghyuck saved his last scathing comment for mark.

 

“i hope you're fucking happy. this is all your fault.”

 

mark left. he left them all for a long time. he didn't come back until the spring flowers started to bloom and everyone began to smile together again. (at the time donghyuck thought they'd never fully recover, though.)

 

donghyuck was the last one in the dorm that night. if he looked out the window, down at the ice and slush covering the parking lot, he would’ve seen jeno running after renjun, obviously trying to make amends. he couldn't bring himself to care about any of that, though. he was angry, and the leftover energy from the fight was drowning him.

 

their dorm was an active landmine for a long time following the incident, and donghyuck sort of felt bad for jaemin who had come back to live with them during the whole debacle. he didn't really know if jaemin felt awkward about it though, because he was never there to witness it. instead of spending most of his free time doing little things around their living space, donghyuck had taken to running off to the furthest corners of the sm building. practice rooms and recording booths provided safe refuge from concerned hyungs and the possibility of running into one of the dream members. the redhead took time to channel all his feelings into songwriting and dancing instead, a coping mechanism to fill the hole that had been dug out of him. it's why during their entire free day, donghyuck had chosen to go dance instead of sleep in and lounge around near his fellow idols.

 

he hummed and picked at the logo on his plastic water bottle, finally taking a break from powering through old exo choreographies. the songs echoed through his head and made it easier to stop his thoughts from drifting. in the time away from the others, donghyuck had become more calm. able to shut himself up before things got bad, whether that was in real life or in his head.

 

he could vaguely hear a group of teenagers on the other side of the door, but his head is swimming, and he couldn't be bothered to tell them to shut up. they didn't quite capture his attention until one of them poked their head through the doorframe, a mess of chocolate brown hair peeking at donghyuck.

 

“uh. can i help you?” donghyuck had pressed when the boy looked at his friends and back at donghyuck again. he waited with a scowl on his face before the tall idol decided to abandon the group in favor of joining him. donghyuck noted the grey sweatpants and black hoodie, and watched the teenager pulls off his face mask and crumple it up in his pocket, revealing a big dumb smile, and it finally occurred to him that it was wong yukhei.

 

“hyuck! long time no see, huh! this is so crazy i didn't think i’d see you here!”

 

“it's really not that crazy.”

 

yukhei barked out a loud laugh and clapped his hands before flopping down in front of donghyuck, the way he carries himself akin to the composure of a golden retriever, “sure it is! i was just talking about you!”

 

donghyuck was so, _so_ tempted to ask what they were talking about, but restrained himself when the other quickly changed the conversation. yukhei was babbling on about the fight between the dreamies, because apparently it became common news, with grand gestures and expressions. it all faded to white noise though as donghyuck bit his nails, trying to ignore the pit of anxiety forming in his stomach. he only snapped out of it when yukhei reached over and put a large hand on his knee, concern written on his face.

 

“despite all that bullshit, though, i get what you're going through. the whole living together situation is not ideal but if you ever wanna just get away from your group, you can come down to the rookies dorm.”

 

with that, the boy got up and jogged out of the room, evidently to catch up with his friends. donghyuck was left to come out of his revelry and contemplate whether or not yukhei was serious.

 

later that night, he walked into the dorm and was confronted with the sight of mark packing up some of his stuff to bring to the 127 dorm. it was enough to fuel him with anger, grab the essentials he needed for overnight, and then storm out, tunnel vision directing him to the smrookies’ dorm. yukhei, thankfully, was the first person he saw when the door opened. they weren’t even technically friends, but the brunette’s face still lit up and he pulled donghyuck into a bone crushing hug. he was pretty sure it pulled a sob out of his affection-starved self, and soon yukhei was cuddling him close in a tight bunk bed, running his fingers through the younger’s hair as he cried his eyes out, spilling all his emotions out at once to the comforting figure.

 

donghyuck thinks that yukhei came into his life at an odd time, with all the fighting and what not. he had previously never let his walls come down, let alone so fast, but for some reason he couldn't even be bothered to shakily build them back up when he woke up the next morning to the sound of yukhei snoring.

 

◇

 

following their night together, it was inevitable that the two became close. despite constant surveillance from nct’s managers making sure they wouldn't slip up and make their friendship public, donghyuck and yukhei loved to take the risk. they loved to plan out elaborate pranks together, running between dorms and around the parking lot, bringing deafening noise wherever they went. they loved to sneak out in the earliest hours of the morning to hit up the 24 hour convenience stores and pig out on all the things they weren't supposed to eat. they would mess around and feed each other junk food until they got a sugar high. whenever donghyuck would start to worry about getting punished by the company, yukhei would always gallantly promise that if anything ever went wrong, he would take full responsibility. donghyuck would keep his mouth shut and pinch the taller boy’s cheeks lovingly, but he secretly thought that their friendship was worth the consequences.

 

none of the members paid them much attention, except for a few strange looks coming from yuta. the explanation for the pitiful gazes would come later, much later.

 

◇

 

time went by as it tends to do, and months into their fully blossomed friendship, they had been hanging out late one saturday night when donghyuck had coerced yukhei into letting him do his makeup for him. admittedly, the taller boy hadn't been hard to convince, what with the dazed expression he carried whenever he was around donghyuck, nodding in compliance to his every demand. they were in the dream dorm, donghyuck sat on the bathroom counter with his back turned to the mirror, yukhei standing between his knees. donghyuck felt butterflies flutter in his gut when the elder agreed to happily play along with his guilty pleasure, and then proceeded to ask him about different makeup palettes and shades with genuine curiosity.

 

what's more odd than anything else that had happened between them at this point, is that donghyuck didn't feel like joking around and making a mess of yukhei’s face with all the makeup he has at his disposal. instead, he pulled yukhei in closer and carefully continued to shade the boy’s closed eyes with eyeliner and dark red eyeshadow. the two were quiet except for a few quips coming from either side. at one point, yukhei got tired and rested his hands on either side of donghyuck’s thighs. they were close, much too close, and the redhead could feel his cheeks heat up. yukhei's presence was so _large_ and it made his adolescent heart stumble. he paused what he was doing as his gaze slid down to the brunette's full lips and then, out of impulse, he reaches out and lightly skims his thumb over them.

 

“you up for taking another risk right now?”

 

“always.” yukhei had replied, voice deep and eyes still shut. there's a knowing smirk directed at him as he speaks.

 

playing pranks on the other members is one thing. making out in the bathroom while the door is still open for the world to see was an entirely different story. donghyuck abandoned the makeup brushes to bring his hands up and fist yukhei’s hair, yukhei’s own hands circled donghyuck’s small waist.

 

the front door opened signalling the arrival of a few other members and the two slowly pulled apart—yukhei looking dazed as ever, half lidded eyes scanning donghyuck’s face, lazy smile tugging at his lips. flustered, for probably the first time in his life, donghyuck broke eye contact and bit at his lip, playfully pushing the elder’s face away.

 

“if anything goes wrong, you take responsibility.”

 

“i’ve always kept that promise.”

 

♡

 

donghyuck shakes himself out of his thoughts when the broadcast finally comes to a close. he grabs a handful of snacks from the kitchen cupboard and makes a break for the door, desperate to shake off the built up anxiety from the last hour or so. he can hear someone catching up behind him but he doesn't care to wait up for them. he doesn't care if it's ten or doyoung, and he really doesn't care if it's yukhei. but the possibility that it _is_ yukhei makes him speed up, taking the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator. in the privacy of the small staircase, the person trailing him reaches out and grabs donghyuck’s arm, stopping him in his tracks.

 

it’s yukhei.

 

of course it's yukhei.

 

“talk to me.”

 

“no. let go.”

 

“donghyuck.” it comes out as a plea, voice wavering and echoing around them.

 

donghyuck looks up and it feels like a punch in the gut, big puppy dog eyes staring back down at him.

 

“please, can we talk?”

 

♡

 

“yukie, stop, oh my god you fatass” donghyuck giggled, pushing the other teen away from him. a small group of members had decided to gather in one of the dance studios to practice old sm choreos. every time they were given a break, yukhei would come bounding over to donghyuck like a puppy and throw himself all over the small boy and whine about how tired he was.

 

donghyuck had struggled to hold the six foot tall man upright, weak muscles from dancing nearly giving in. the others happily figured that they naturally gravitated to each other because of their bright personalities, letting them be as they got lost in their own little world. after multiple attempts to reposition yukhei, donghyuck stepped off to the side and let the elder fall to the ground. laughter from both of them bounced off the walls and it wasn't until taeyong told them to calm down that they actually got back to work.

 

hours later, yukhei had carried donghyuck on his back to the elevator, smile big as ever as they got closer and closer to the dorms. donghyuck thought he could probably fall asleep right there on yukhei’s broad shoulders and strong back. he was carried him all the way back to the dream dorm before being sent off with a goodnight’s kiss, leaving donghyuck weak in the knees. cheeks flushed and biting back a giddy smile, he opened the door and headed straight for the shower.

 

♡

 

the tension between them was thick and awkward and it made the two of them squirm a bit before deciding on a place to go. donghyuck is leading, grumbling about cancelling his plans to practice piano and instead having to walk in the direction of a small recording booth so they could speak in private. yukhei trails behind with a tail between his legs, fear of stepping out of line so plainly obvious, it makes donghyuck smirk. he ought to be nervous.

 

a few more twists and turns through the maze that is the sm building, and they arrive at the dusty, unused recording room. donghyuck doesn't bother holding the door open for yukhei, instead walks straight in and sits down on the couch. he fixes the elder with an emotionless stare, eyebrow raised.

 

“spill.”

 

he doesn't miss the hurt flash across yukhei’s face.

 

“i… i just wanted to talk to you.”

 

donghyuck scoffs and rolls his eyes to cover up his own hurt. if only it were that easy. the slight feeling of betrayal makes him blow up at yukhei.

 

“so you still don't feel like giving me the full story? you’re gonna keep being a fucking child and hide it from me even though i know exactly what you said? all you've done is blame other people and not take any responsibility. you let your fragile insecurity get in the way of us and then broke the one promise we had that could've fixed all of this a long time ago.”

 

he watches the taller teenager take a few hesitant steps towards the couch before carefully sitting down. he’s got other things to do than to watch the pathetic mess that yukhei has become around him. way down in the depths of heart, he misses the confident, fun, and honest yukhei. whatever, though.

 

“i just don't know how to apologize, i don't even know how to explain myself.”

 

that's enough of that. it's one thing to be nervous, but it's another thing to flat out continue to avoid apologizing because you ‘don't know how to’. donghyuck gets up from the brown suede couch, restrains the overwhelming urge to flip the chinese native off, and walks out.

 

◇

 

“fuckboy looks miserable,” renjun singsongs in between mouthfuls of popcorn. renjun and donghyuck had made up after the group fight long ago, finding out the hard way that life was so much duller without the other around. the two of them are sat in one of the building’s cafeterias, watching yukhei mope around and drag his feet like he was in some kind of angsty disney channel movie. donghyuck notes how yukhei sits alone at a table not too far away, and he rolls his eyes for the fortieth time that day.

 

“what did you do to him, you monster…” renjun mumbles, playful tone to his words.

 

donghyuck laughs but it's forced. he feels a familiar lump of anxiety form in his chest and he has to look away from the scene, attention being brought back to his previously neglected food. he wonders if that's what he looked like after yukhei did his damage. an image of the elder crying flashes past donghyuck's eyes and he starts to feel sick.

 

he grabs his tray and slides off his chair, already walking towards the garbage cans. “c’mon, jun. he's totally cramping the energy in this joint. let's go hit up the vending machine.”

 

renjun shrugs and follows, leaning the bag of popcorn towards donghyuck once he disposes of his tray of cold fries. donghyuck stuffs his face and tries not to think about yukhei any longer than he has to. it never works.

 

♡

 

“c’mon, baby, please?” yukhei pleaded, standing behind the shorter boy, wrapping his arms around his midsection. donghyuck pretended to scowl but his heart was thudding against his chest. they both know how weak donghyuck got with all the pet names, and yukhei had decided to make it his life’s mission to use every last one in the book against the younger. they were stood in the kitchen—donghyuck was trying to make himself a fruit smoothie before his foolish boyfriend came bouncing in. now, he was stuck in place, looking longingly at the blender filled with fruits and yoghurt.

 

“just one time. if anything goes wrong, i’ll—”

 

“—take the blame, yeah, yeah, i know. that doesn't make it any more valid. i’m just not skipping dance practice to go to a stupid street festival.”

 

“i’ll buy you food?”

 

donghyuck paused, once again glanced at the blender, and then twisted around in yukhei’s arms to look up at him.

 

“buy me as much carnival popcorn as i want or else i’m breaking up with you.”

 

yukhei grinned dumbly and pressed a soft kiss to donghyuck’s equally soft lips, squeezing his torso a little tighter in his strong arms.

 

“anything for you, _princess.”_

 

♡

 

donghyuck shudders at the idea of yukhei calling him anything like that ever again and tries to bring his attention back to the game he was previously playing. it only works for a couple seconds because, as if yukhei were reading his mind, he bursts in to the library, and all but runs over to donghyuck. the redhead throws daggers with his eyes in yukhei’s direction the entire time he's walking towards him, but it does nothing to stop him from powering towards donghyuck, determination evident in the way he's carrying himself. donghyuck braces for the worst and shuts off his phone, placing it face down on the desk. he had  _thought_ the small sm library would be a relaxing environment, but leave it to yukhei to show up out of nowehre.

 

“hyuckie.”

 

“don't call me that.”

 

yukhei complies with him, but the pain is clear as day.

 

“donghyuck. lee donghyuck. can we talk again?”

 

it's been over a month since yukhei last asked that. promotions for empathy had already reached their peak and everything was, to a certain degree, settling down.

 

“that depends. are you gonna say something worth my time or are you going just gonna sit there and act like i should be coaching you through your apology?”

 

renjun, who had previously been napping with his head on the desk, makes a poor job of muffling his laughter and it makes the taller boy’s confidence waver, but he gathers himself back up. donghyuck takes a moment to subtly admire the way yukhei suits his recently debuted style. his newly blonde hair looks soft and donghyuck’s fingers itch to run through it and tug.

 

“i wanna explain. everything this time.”

 

the smaller boy sighs and pockets his phone before looking up at yukhei, “lead the way.”

 

yukhei brings him back to the nct u dorm and donghyuck already hates where this is going. he awkwardly waves to a few members before they duck into yukhei’s bedroom, closing and locking the squeaky door. they make brief eye contact, and donghyuck feels like he's reliving everything all over again.

 

♡

 

there had to be something about yukhei that wasn't perfect. with every day that passed he had been proving himself more and more to be donghyuck’s ideal partner. donghyuck would sometimes stay up late with the elder, questioning him to see where he would slip up. but he never did.

 

at least never around donghyuck. around yukhei’s other friends, it was an entirely different story.

 

summer was over and winter was flying by at the time, bringing upon the new year and several comebacks for the team. donghyuck had been bouncing off the walls as they got loaded with information about who was going where and doing what. despite the fact that the couple couldn't be in the same unit together, there were going to be multiple opportunities for them to interact. yukhei was giddy when he got the lyrics to his debut song, and had dragged donghyuck to the studio every time they had a recording session.

 

when everything went downhill, it was a thursday night in the middle of january. donghyuck had stayed awake to pick yukhei up from dance practice, planning on bringing him back to the dream dorm so they could join the rest of the younger members to stay up and play old nintendo games on the ancient console jisung's parents bought for him. yukhei had mentioned once before that he had all the original yoshi's island games back home in china, so donghyuck immediately jumped on the opportunity to bring the elder to play with them. he was leaning against the wall outside the room his boyfriend was in, when his ears perked up at the sound of a deep voice and his stomach dropped.

 

“swear he's a faggot, bro. like the fuck was that kinda comment? on live broadcast?”

 

“yeah, he's always been a fucking queer around everyone, i can't stand to even be in the same room as him and johnny cause the shit they joke about is so wrong.”

 

yukhei laughed, and if donghyuck didn't know it was his boyfriend in the room, he wouldn't have recognized the fake, exaggerated noise. he couldn't dwell on that though, he couldn't think about anything right now. there's tears welling up in his eyes, and they stream down his face the second yukhei steps out into the hallway. they share eye contact for a drawn out second before the taller male’s goofy expression drops and his eyes widen. donghyuck smiles bitterly and shakes his head, running off down the hall. 

 

donghyuck made a beeline for yuta’s room, avoiding the concerned looks coming from the 127 members. he weaved through the kitchen and down the hallway, ducking past johnny’s attempt to slow him down. he couldn’t let anyone see him like this except for yuta. yukhei used to be part of the exception but he could eat shit for all donghyuck cared.

 

yuta was propped up on his bed, fake circle rimmed glasses resting on the bridge of his nose as he skimmed through a small book in his hand. donghyuck thoughts are jumbled and he offhandedly thinks about making a comment on how ridiculous the japanese man looks. but, when yuta looks up sees the tears in his junior’s eyes and he puts his book down, donghyuck immediately dives towards the bed for a hug. after some time, it was revealed that yuta knew yukhei had internalized his sexuality for a long time, and he wasn't too surprised to hear the opinions the boy had developed. donghyuck wiped the tears from his eyes and looked up at yuta,

 

“why didn’t you warn me?”

 

there really wasn’t an answer for that. but donghyuck understood where he was coming from, sort of.

 

donghyuck continued to cling to yuta like a lifeline for the weeks following the incident with his ex-boyfriend. yukhei didn’t try to reach out to him once, or even acknowledge what had happened. donghyuck saw him around constantly, but he was always being avoided. he supposed it’s around then that he assumed they had officially broken up because if yukhei couldn’t be bothered to try to apologize, donghyuck wasn’t sure how he’d ever forgive him.

 

♡

 

“first of all, and above anything else, i’m sorry.” yukhei starts with a shaky voice before he closes his eyes momentarily and inhales deeply. donghyuck does so too, and the smell of his ex’s bedroom overwhelms him. he looks around the new room, and his chest hurts when his gaze falls on a stuffed animal that donghyuck had won for him at the street festival in autumn. it sits on yukhei’s bedside table, along with a small fallen picture frame.

 

“the reason why it took me so long to find the right words was because every way i tried to explain it sounded pathetic. and, i mean, everything about what i said was already, but i wanted you to hear me out.” 

 

something spurs donghyuck to nod in understanding and take a seat on yukhei’s bed. yukhei follows.

 

“i guess really it was a whole mix of stuff that was happening at the wrong place and the wrong time. i was with a few seniors and i wanted them to like me, i was mad about ten being so bold while i couldn't ever be like that, i was struggling with so much that i couldn't understand about myself, and i swear on my life i didn't make that comment with an ounce of sincerity.”

 

donghyuck remains quiet, but brings his knees up to his chest, trying to even out his breathing as he watches yukhei struggle to explain himself.

 

“i don't know why i felt like i had to prove myself? because i have never felt ashamed around you, ever,” donghyuck sneers bitterly but lets yukhei finish, “it's just that i… i don't even know how to say this? i used to always think being attracted to guys was something that was shameful, so by habit it just slipped out and they agreed with me and it felt like the right thing in the moment, i don't know. i understand if you… if you had second thoughts about me, or whatever, cause even in the moment all i could think about was how disappointed you'd be in me. i understand why you chose to break up with me, because i would too. i mean, how are you supposed to trust that i like you if i’m turning around and spewing dumb homophobic rhetoric? you get what i’m saying, yeah? i'm not trying to excuse myself or anything, i just want you to understand.”

 

his hands are shaking at this point and he's starting to look noticeably anxious, fumbling with his rusty korean. there's the distinct sound of approaching tears every time he starts to talk again. it’s so uncharacteristic of yukhei to behave in this manner, but in some fucked up way it’s refreshing. for the two of them to constantly keep up an energetic vibe when they’re together, it starts to get exhausting.

 

regardless, donghyuck aches to comfort him, but he can't. he needs to let this sit. he needs to think.

 

“...okay. i accept your apology.” donghyuck states after several minutes of mulling it over. yukhei looks much too excited, and the younger decides it’s best to discourage him from getting ahead of himself.

 

“that _doesn't_ in any way mean i forgive you. you have no idea how much it hurt to hear that come from your own boyfriend, especially when you hear it everywhere else you go.”

 

yukhei looks like he understands and respects donghyuck’s explanation. he wrings his hands out of awkwardness before speaking up again.

 

“so, can we try this again? maybe start over if you want?”

 

donghyuck scoffs and gets up from the bed, walking the short distance to the door before turning around.

 

“settle down, lover boy. this time around you'll have to work your ass over to woo me.” donghyuck drawls, but somewhere inside he feels like it's not likely that they'll work out like they did before. too much has changed.

 

“i intend to keep my word this time around.”

 

“and i’ll be holding it to you. tomorrow morning i expect breakfast in bed.”

 

donghyuck rolls his eyes when yukhei laughs delightedly as he closes the door behind him. secretly, he hopes yukhei doesn't show up.

 

 

◇

 

“don’t look now, but you-know-who is coming over here.” renjun mumbles, stirring his ice coffee with a straw, trying to get the stubborn streaks of caramel to blend in with the sugary drink. donghyuck and him are sitting on beanbags in one of the quiet study rooms, making a poor attempt at finishing all their missed schoolwork. taeyong had told them if they didn’t start taking their grades seriously, there would be consequences. knowing the leader, said consequences were probably going to be something mundane like cleaning the bathroom, but they agreed with him regardless.

 

donghyuck groans and tries to bury himself under his textbook as if it would deter yukhei from coming any closer. it obviously has no effect when he hears a cheerful “hyuck!” echo through the silent room. several student idols shush him.

 

“what do you want?” donghyuck hisses, looking up at his beaming smile. it’s monday, no one should be that happy. yukhei kneels down, sitting back on his ankles.

 

“how much longer are you going to be working?”

 

“how ever long it takes to finish this fucking essay. now leave me alone, you clown.”

 

yukhei laughs obnoxiously loud and garners a negative response from the surrounding students once again.

 

“after you’re done i’m taking you out for ramen, okay? to make up for breakfast. meet me at the U dorm later.” he winks, acknowledges renjun once before he gets up and saunters out. donghyuck slams his head back on the beanbag and lets it swallow him like quicksand. renjun makes a noise of pity but keeps his attention on his math homework.

 

◇

 

yukhei watches with heart eyes as donghyuck slurps up a mouthful of noodles, doing a little happy dance at the taste. it’s been too long since he’s had the time to go out for proper food, and maybe he’s a little bit grateful that yukhei had taken him out. well, not really taken out—this wasn’t a date, he made sure to clarify that. yukhei had a goofy smile on as he explained that he knew that, but he just wanted to be around donghyuck and make him happy. the corny comment made the redhead roll his eyes and reach over the small table to slap yukhei’s upper arm. the elder had long since finish his own meal, but instead of entertaining himself with his phone like normal people do, he found much more pleasure in cooing at donghyuck’s cute eating habits. donghyuck thought it was ridiculous, and when he finished his meal, he didn’t even bother offering to split the bill. he got up and excused himself to the bathroom.

 

donghyuck looks at himself in the mirror with an angry expression. stupid yukhei. stupid, _stupid_ yukhei. how dare he pull a stunt like that. despite how hard donghyuck tried to brush off the loving stares and hair ruffles, yukhei was already worming his way back into his heart. donghyuck slaps his cheek a few times to wake himself up before he moves to fix his hair.

 

“you look fine.”

 

yukhei is leaning against the wall by the hand dryers, signature grin playing at his lips.

 

“am i not allowed to have one moment of peace and quiet?” donghyuck asks, but there’s teasing in his tone instead of frustration. he hates the sound of it. he goes back to sprucing up his appearance in the large mirror, but his stomach sinks when he can see yukhei coming closer from the corner of his eye.

 

“seriously. you look beautiful.”

 

donghyuck opens his mouth to say something but the taller male is pressing a kiss to the soft skin of his jaw, and he falters.

 

“i locked the door, don’t worry.” yukhei reassures, as if that’s the reason donghyuck is freaking out. he’s being pulled into a back hug and he can’t do anything except stare at their reflection in shock, watching yukhei bend down a bit and press slow kisses all over his neck, eyes closed. donghyuck can feel himself starting to get weak, he's always been a sucker for physical affection.

 

“yuk-”

 

“i missed you so much, hyuckie.” yukhei cuts him off, murmuring against his skin.

 

his heart skips a beat and he quickly turns around in the elder’s arms, something that seemed to become a habit of theirs. donghyuck only hesitates a second longer before slinging his arms over the blonde’s shoulders and brings him down to his lips.

 

◇

 

on the awkward train ride back to the dorms, donghyuck thinks about their past and _still_ isn’t sure how he’d ever forgive him.

 

he can’t stop his racing thoughts as he changes into his sleepwear and drags himself into bed, under the warm white comforter. they had eventually been interrupted when a grouchy old man started banging on the door, clearly judging the pair when they raced out of the restaurant. they finally stopped running when they made it back to the dark, hidden alleyway they took to walk to the ramen shop in the first place. yukhei had turned to him with breathless laughter and donghyuck wished he could have joined along and let himself go. all he could do was smile sadly at the taller boy and shove his hands deep into his acid wash jean jacket. yukhei stared at him for a few more beats of silence before he gave up and walked quietly alongside the shorter boy. the atmosphere between them had loaded an extra twenty pounds of anxiety onto his shoulders.

 

if he forgives yukhei and they get back together, donghyuck is making himself vulnerable. he recognizes the stress that a relationship puts on the group dynamics, he had seen it first hand with a few of the secret girlfriends his hyungs previously had. he also recognizes that him and yukhei will never be able to make their relationship public, and that hurts.

 

donghyuck curls up tighter under his blankets and shivers a bit.

 

all of that being said though, there was no doubt that getting back together with his ex would be a good thing for them. he knew they still loved each other, and if they keep up their obvious pining much longer, that could similarly get them into trouble.

 

it’s two in the morning when he finally falls asleep. the answer won’t come.

 

◇

 

the next morning, renjun scolded him to hell and back, but it all went in one ear and out the other. it's not to say that renjun’s advice wasn't helpful or needed, but donghyuck was much too stubborn to let little things like _reason_ and _thinking before he acts_ to get in his way of fooling around with yukhei.

 

“i know you think you can get away with this no strings attached bullshit, but i guarantee you're breaking his heart.” renjun had warned.

 

feeling threatened, donghyuck has countered back with, “oh yeah? now we're equal then.”

 

of course he wasn't really bitter enough to think like that, but his ex was starting to become a touchy subject again for him. donghyuck had nearly flipped when jeno brought up yukhei in a conversation back when they first broke up. he's better than that now, but he still felt bubbles of anxiety form when others spoke about him.

 

he left the dorm after renjun shooed him away, telling him to go think about what he's done. donghyuck sighs deeply and makes a sharp turn into his favourite practice room, running shoes squeaking on the hardwood floor as he makes his way to the far corner to drop his backpack filled with a towel, change of clothes, and water bottles. it isn't until he lifts his head to begin stretching that he notices he's not alone.

 

“fancy seeing you here, hm?” yukhei drawls, eyebrows waggling. he looks sweaty and he's panting, like he'd been practicing for the last few hours. donghyuck’s cheeks flush a pretty pink but he continues the banter,

 

“you better leave now before my outstanding dancing bruises your ego.”

 

yukhei screws the cap back on the bottle he was evidently drinking from earlier, and tosses it not too far away before walking closer to donghyuck. they could already feel the world around them slipping away as they got wrapped up in each other’s presence.

 

“that sounds like a challenge.”

 

“it's not a challenge if i destroy you within seconds.”

 

donghyuck steps a bit closer and the remaining distance between them fizzles out. the smaller boy has to crane his neck to make eye contact with yukhei, but it does nothing to his confidence.

 

just as yukhei lifts his hand and drags his thumb across donghyuck’s bitten-red bottom lip, they hear a gasp coming from the door.

 

taeyong.

 

he looks frazzled.

 

“no, no, no, no,” he begins, rushing over and pushing them apart to stand between the pair, “no. end of story.”

 

donghyuck is uncharacteristically silent, and his chest starts to rise and fall at a dramatic rate. if taeyong says another word he's going to tip over the edge.

 

yukhei thankfully notices donghyuck’s anxious behaviour and rushes to protect him from whatever the leader has to tell them. he feels the younger’s small hands cling to his shirt and it makes his heart lurch out of his chest.

 

“taeyong, calm down, listen-"

 

“are you kidding me? me? _i_ have to calm down? think about what i just walked in on, lucas! are you a moron? answer me.” taeyong’s voice is starting to shake and he looks like he's going to fly off the handle. yukhei briefly remembers the elder reacting in a similar fashion when he found out about yuta’s ex-girlfriend. he has to hand it to taeyong though, he's really good at being a leader in any other case; but it seems like relationships are a sensitive topic.

 

“please watch what you're saying, taeyong,” yukhei carefully warns with a deeper voice, feeling donghyuck start to quiver behind him.

 

taeyong makes a high pitched, frustrated sound and brings his hands up to run his hands through his own hair, turning away from the couple to pace around the room. it looks like he's doing everything in his power to stay calm. probably for donghyuck’s sake.

 

“just… just explain. what's going on.”

 

yukhei grimaces and looks over at his shoulder to donghyuck, but the boy won't remove his face from where it’s buried against his back.

 

“we don't really know either…?”

 

taeyong shrieks, “that's even worse! does this have to do with everything that happened between the dreamies?”

 

yukhei shakes his head, because not really. despite it all happening around the same time, their old relationship wasn't a catalyst for the fight.

 

a few moments of palpable silence pass by before donghyuck comes out from his hiding spot. he’s wringing his hands and his shoulders are rolled downwards, making the black hoodie he’s wearing drown him completely.

 

“hyung… please don't get mad at us…” he mumbles with head down, half in shame and half in respect for the oldest member in the room. yukhei watches helplessly as he gets scolded, but then something clicks in his head and he realizes that he's already breaking their promise once again, forgetting all about it since he's too cowardly to confront taeyong head on. so instead of letting donghyuck continue with his apology, he gently wraps his arms around the younger and pulls him into his chest, large hand protectively holding the back of his head.

 

he needs to learn how to stand up for them, or else none of this will ever work.

 

“say what you want to me, taeyong, but you _know_ it's unfair to snap at hyuck like that. i really do love him, and whatever you have to say is never going to change that.”

 

taeyong is still close to hyperventilating, but he seems to have been tamed enough to not say anything more. he looks halfway between convinced and unconvinced and yukhei thinks that'll just have to do for now. he leans down to explain to donghyuck that “we're gonna get out of here, okay?” before he leads the redhead out of the dance room and away from a shocked taeyong.

 

◇

 

later that night, after both of them had calmed down, they set up camp in donghyuck’s bed at the dreamies’ dorm, laying side by side on the white bedsheets, facing each other. donghyuck looks at him with watery eyes, cupping yukhei’s cheek with his free hand—other one laced with yukhei’s.

 

yukhei feels pride rushing through him system, as he thinks about what happened. a little part of himself feels completed, now that he knows he could fulfill his promise. before, he had been wracked with worry, wondering how he could ever prove himself to donghyuck, how he could ever regain his trust. he'll always regret the moment he made donghyuck cry, but he knows that things are looking up now and donghyuck has a soft smile and look in his eyes when he's around, rather than a nasty scowl. he sighs happily and squeezes the smaller boy’s hand to ground himself instead of letting his thoughts drift in a time where all he wants to do look is admire the teenager beside him.

 

"i guess taeyong was right in way, though. we really need to figure out what we're going to do." yukhei murmurs, tacking on a laugh at the end in case he may have just made everything worse.

 

the feeling in the room is heavy, but not in a bad way. earlier, donghyuck had insisted on needing background music, so yukhei had take the liberty of putting joji’s recent album on shuffle. it made the energy around them even more intense, lyrics filling in for the unsaid words and worries they had. as one of the songs fades out, donghyuck shuffles an inch closer, his reply just above a whisper,

 

“i think we could work.”

 

“you think so?”

 

“don't question me, wong.”

**Author's Note:**

> [follow me if you want!](https://twitter.com/gothldh)


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